Traveling all week long… PA, Chicago, Canada, Boulder and finally home… has landed me on the couch for a pajama weekend. Fuzzy socks? Check. Snuggly candy cane pj’s? Check. Purring cat? Check Check.
But Boulder was beautiful…
And so I went… took myself (and peanut) on a little road trip. And it was just what I needed. I didn’t take a ton of photos. But I did stop to pet the giant rocks. First I drove by. Then I scolded myself for being so boring. ”Turn around and pet the mammoth rocks, Kelly. Jesus. ” Seriously… exact words to myself, said out loud while driving 70mph down a two lane road. So I did. They were rough. And HUGE. And here are a couple pictures of them. I heart Oregon. And the iPhone.
I feel the need for the road. My haven. The sounds of waves crashing. Coaxing sleep. Waking to the moon whispering through the window. Oregon Chai & warm peach scones. My journal. A book. The road at sunrise. The feeling of Freedom. Adventure. Peace. Clarity. A restful heart.
We all have things in our life that make us whole. Build us back up when the daily toll of life wears hearts thin. What’s yours?
For me, there’s nothing a hot bubble bath and the road can’t mend…
I wish for rain. For thick wet drops washing clean. Roads. Hearts. Hands.
Grime of days fade showing a path not seen before. A new perspective on a new. Day. Situation. Thought. Love.
Rain. And clear eyes to see an extraordinary life new.
I was recently trying to explain to someone I love where my head goes and where I try to stay when dealing with big life drama. I get incredibly zen. Very clear and logical. And yet, ridiculously optimistic. Because I have to be.
I could not have spent the last 6 days living inside, “I have cancer and they’re going to have to cut my face open to remove it.” No way. Absolutely not. No way, no how. Fuck that. That will not be my life. That will not be my world for any period of time as long as I can help it. Not 6 days. Not 6 minutes.
Instead, where I choose to live is, “I had a biopsy and until they tell me otherwise, I am cancer free.” No drama. This is not to say that I don’t have my moments. I’m human. And it’s my face. And it was possibly cancer… again. But I don’t LIVE inside that space. I have moments where I pass through. Like running through sprinklers… but not as fun. Otherwise, I’m just intentionally living inside a tortured space. Which I am not into.
I look at it like this… the unknown is the unknown… which means… I GET TO CHOOSE WHAT TO LIVE INSIDE. Hope or Despair. Life or Death. It’s my choice. So, I live inside Life and the world that choice creates. The world I get to create with my thoughts, the language I use, the choices I make and the actions I take. And I live it with every breath. Because I can’t afford not to. This is my life. And I am not playing games. I have things to do. People to love. A world to contribute to.
Cancer has been such a blessing to me. And I know how that sounds. And I know how lucky I am. I know how lucky I am that my story is my story. Cancer blew my world wide open. Forced me to look at my life. Make decisions. Start a new and renewed path. Toss out the bullshit. Get on the field. Play the game. Get out of my own way. Over and over and over again. It’s always a choice. Always. I get to say… and so I say cancer was a blessing. Thank you, now be one your way.
These last 9 months have been a roller coaster. But they have also been full of some of the sweetest, deepest moments of my life. I would trade nothing. Not a single breath. Those moments. Conversations. Realizations. All collectively creating this future I’m living into.
And so, I am thankful that cancer poked it’s sweet little head in and turned my amazing life upside down.
I am also happy that after 10 months, 4 surgeries and numerous biopsies, I am cancer free.
Thank you for the love. For the support. For the comments on my ever changing hair styles. For the hats. For not pretending. For not looking at me “like that.” For keeping the faith and only giving me a little time to freak out before bringing me back to earth. Sometimes you just need to get it out. I love you.
Speaking of getting it out…
Dear Life, I love you and plan on sucking you dry. Like this big ass bumble bee.
Where will we go, what shall we do next?
Kelly
